The Mummy Returns... With No Real Mummy?

The Mummy Returns… With No Real Mummy?

Tue, Aug 5, 2008

Hi all…

If your favorite scene of a movie involves a group of CGI Yeti kicking a field goal with a Chinese soldier for the ball… something’s wrong.

First… Luke Ford as Alex O’Connell? How in the heck could Rick (Brendan Fraser, whom I like) and Evie O’Connell have a son in College? Huh?

Next… Maria Bello as Evelyn O’Connell? I like Bello, but nobody can really replace Rachel Weisz, and she was wise (bad pun) to leave the franchise.

And finally… There were NO mummies in this film!!!

If you’re in the mood for a good mummy movie, watch the first in this series. Or read Anne Rice’s Ramses the Damned. But skip this one unless you’re desperate, it’s on television, and it’s the only thing on.

Ok, really it’s not that bad. But it’s not very good either. I’d have cut about half of this movie out from the get-go.

Things I liked:

The Yetis. Yes, they’re kind of cheesy, but they were one of my favorite parts of the film.
The Battle at the Great Wall of China at the end. It dragged a bit, but at least it included the undead and some interesting scenes. (I really liked the planes flying across and mowing down the statue army…)
And Shangri-la. Whomever did the set painting for that scene did a great job. I would’ve moved there, but probably not have put a casino there like Jonathan was thinking of doing…

Thinks I didn’t like? Wow…

Father and son comparing gun cabinets was really forced. I got what they were after, but damn if they didn’t beat you over the head with it.
Jet Li’s character isn’t a mummy… Why the heck does this movie have “The Mummy” in the title?
Too many explosions (for little effect), faces melting, and statues being broken. Why the high destructive count?
Little plot questions like… Why did the Emperor’s statue army have to go beyond the Great Wall to turn immortal? All the Emperor had to do was take a bath… Couldn’t he have just marched them all up there for bath day?

Anyway… I’m giving this movie 2/4. It was ok. It wasn’t great. It wasn’t horrible. But it was a waste of time about half the movie. Save your money and rent it if you’re that interested…

Scary part is they’re talking about another Mummy film already — one in Peru. Please don’t do it. (The scarier thought is that this movie made $45 million in its first weekend and so did The Dark Knight. Ugly mummies, Batman!)

Until next time see (another) movie!

–Fitz

p.s. If you’re looking for more of Fitz’s reviews, check out his blog the Lair of the Green Knight!